The Healthy Household · Creating Culture and Correcting Course
Texts: Genesis 1–3; Revelation 21–22; Nehemiah 4:17–18; Matthew 5:3–10; 1 Peter 3:7; Ephesians 6:4
Introduction
Good morning.
Let me start with a question.
If someone walked into your home this week
and saw your marriage, your parenting, your rest, and your work,
what would tell them that God's kingdom is here and reigning in your home?
What would let them taste heaven?
And what would tell them
that the kingdom is not yet fully here,
that the battle is raging?
What would show them that you're at war,
not against each other,
but against the forces of darkness?
That's what we're talking about this morning:
how men are called to lead in creating that kind of culture,
and in correcting course
when there's a need to do so.
My story
This teaching is dear to my heart,
because for much of my life
my leadership has failed in this area.
We’re right in the middle of correcting course,
in parenting and in marriage,
and it feels like something we're constantly working on.
Over the years, one of the main things
I've been corrected on,
by friends, by fellow elders, and by my wife,
is the pace of my life in ministry.
It came at the expense of my family.
Our calendar and our energy were so invested in ministry
that we were on the verge of burnout on several occasions.
We believe that healthy hearts feed healthy households.
And my household was unhealthy,
because I believed in my heart
that the marriages we serve,
the church we pastor,
and the people I disciple
all hung on my shoulders.
I struggled to say no,
even when I really needed to and it added up.
The culture and pace of our family needed course correction.
I'll tell you how that correction came
before we're done this morning.
What is culture?
That opening question is really about culture.
Merriam-Webster says culture is
a way of thinking, behaving, or working
that exists in a place or organization.
We could say: within a family.
And kingdom culture is when Jesus' kingdom
defines and shapes those beliefs, behaviors, and work.
There's a band called Jesus Culture,
and I think it's one of the best Christian band names ever.
What a beautiful idea,
that Jesus would permeate all of culture,
that everything we do and say would reflect him.
That's what we want in our homes.
The big idea
So here's where we're going this morning. [slow]
We saw last week that God loves to fill the earth with his presence
through faithful households in sync with him.
This week, we’ll see that husbands and fathers are called to be gardeners
who cultivate and build God’s kingdom in and through the home,
and a watchman
who guards the home from sinful and demonic culture.
And we’ll explore how to correct course when we’re off.
We'll see that in three biblical movements,
first, the kingdom is coming;
second, the kingdom is here in Christ and the war is on;
and third, correcting course in the power of the Spirit when we’re off
1. The Kingdom Is Coming
The mandate
Last week we learned that mankind was given a mandate Genesis 1:28:
be fruitful and multiply,
fill the earth and subdue it,
and have dominion.
That mandate invites godly households
to carry God's presence outward into the whole earth.
Adam was called to work the garden
and to keep it Genesis 2:15.
Those same two words describe the work of the Levites
at the tabernacle Numbers 3:7–8.
So this is priestly work:
a call to cultivate God's presence and all he had given,
and a call to keep it, to guard it,
from the evil that constantly wants to get in.
Eve was called to help her husband in this work, primarily in the domain of child-bearing and homemaking.
The goal was to carry God's glorious image
into all the earth,
one household at a time,
as they ruled by God's word.
Eden was meant to spread over all the earth.
The problem
But there is a big problem.
The garden was lost when the first man and woman disobeyed God’s word. Sin entered the world and the thing that multiplied was often sin, the devil’s kingdom, rather than righteousness, God’s Kingdom.
Mankind was separated from God and as a result went on to seek his own glory
in a city built outside of God's design and his word Genesis 11:4.
The Bible's storyline is filled up with families
whose vision was selfish and destructive.
Rather than filling the earth with heavenly culture,
So that the world looked and felt less like heaven
and more like hell.
But at the very beginning there was a promise
of a faithful seed, born of the woman, who would crush the serpent Genesis 3:15.
So began the tale of two cities,
two family lines,
building two different cultures
from two different blueprints:
one based on the word of God,
and one based on sin and self after the Serpent.
But as we’ve said many times before, what Jesus came to do was not overturn the original design of filling the earth with his glory through faithful households walking by his Word, but to redeem that story. [turn to Revelation 21]
The end of the story
Look at Revelation 21.
[read]
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth,
for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away,
and the sea was no more.
And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem,
coming down out of heaven from God,
prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.
He will dwell with them, and they will be his people,
and God himself will be with them as their God.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,
and death shall be no more,
neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore,
for the former things have passed away."
And he who was seated on the throne said,
"Behold, I am making all things new."
Revelation 21:1–5a
And chapter 22.
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life,
bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb
through the middle of the street of the city;
also, on either side of the river, the tree of life
with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month.
The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.
No longer will there be anything accursed,
but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it,
and his servants will worship him.
They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads.
And night will be no more.
They will need no light of lamp or sun,
for the Lord God will be their light,
and they will reign forever and ever.
Revelation 22:1–5
What a beautiful picture of Eden restored.
God is with us again.
Adam and Eve hid from his face Genesis 3:8,
but here, they see his face.
The tree of life and the river were in Eden Genesis 2:9–10.
Sin took them away.
Now the river of God's presence runs right through the heart of the city,
and the tree of life is there for the healing of the nations.
Because of sin, the ground was cursed Genesis 3:17.
Here, there is no more curse.
In Genesis, a serpent deceives.
Revelation tells us he'll be thrown into the lake of fire Revelation 20:10.
In Genesis, cherubim guard the way back Genesis 3:24.
Here, the gates will never be shut Revelation 21:25.
This is the kingdom God wants in the earth:
his glory and his life at the center of all things,
at the center of our homes.
How the garden spreads
So if that's where the story ends,
how do we get there?[pause]
How does God's kingdom advance now,
and what role does the family play?
I believe God still fills the earth with his presence
through faithful households on mission.
Let me trace it through Scripture in three stages.
Before sin: the family, ruled by God's word.
God blesses the first couple and gives them the mandate Genesis 1:28.
Adam worked and kept the garden according to God's word.
After sin entered the world: Abraham's family, ruled by God's law.
After God destroyed the earth in a flood, God gave the same exact creation mandate to Noah.
But then he narrows the mandate to one household as he chooses Abraham’s family to be the one to carry the blessing, beauty, and order of God’s kingdom to every family on earth as they rule by his Word.
He says to Abraham,
"In you all the families of the earth shall be blessed" Genesis 12:3,
and he chooses him to command his children and his household after him to walk in the way of the Lord.
19 For I have chosen[a] him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him” Genesis 18:19.
At Sinai, that family becomes a nation under the law,
"a kingdom of priests" Exodus 19:6,
and the mandate is repeated:
"I will turn to you and make you fruitful and multiply you" Leviticus 26:9.
3 “If you walk in my statutes and observe my commandments and do them, 4 then I will give you your rains in their season, and the land shall yield its increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit…9 I will turn to you and make you fruitful and multiply you and will confirm my covenant with you…11 I will make my dwelling among you, and my soul shall not abhor you. 12 And I will walk among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people.
We see this unfold as God dwells among them again,
but only in the tabernacle and temple,
carved with cherubim, palm trees, and open flowers 1 Kings 6:29,
and approached through priests. This is a picture of Eden restored through a faithful family, the people of God.
But all of this was leading us to Christ.
After Christ: the church, from every nation, the household of God spreading God’s presence on earth
Christ is the true seed Galatians 3:16.
He is the true temple John 2:19–21.
He is the one mediator 1 Timothy 2:5.
His flesh is the torn veil
that opens the way the cherubim guarded Hebrews 10:19–20.
Now the church is the household of God and his temple Ephesians 2:19–22,
a royal priesthood 1 Peter 2:9,
and all who are in Christ are Abraham's seed Galatians 3:29.
Notice that the promise still runs through Abraham’s household with Christ the promised seed who would crush the head of the serpent and enable every man, woman, and child, and every household to be redeemed and to begin spreading his presence and glory in the earth again until a great multitude from every nation, tribe, and people stands before the throne Revelation 7:9.
As Peter said on the day of Pentecost,
“Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.” Acts 2:38-39,
So, this big redemption story narrows in to you and your children and I want to narrow in there now.
The Hinge: A New Heart
So here's where we get it all wrong: [slow]
when anyone believes they can do this on their own.
No family will restore Eden by its own strength.
Sin brought a massive shift.
People still began to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth,
but according to self and sin,
not according to God's word.
That's the dividing line between the two kingdoms:
whose word directs everything you do.
And when Christ came,
he didn't only give us the word.
He gave us new hearts,
a love to obey, to be in sync with God’s will.
He causes us to be born again.
The Holy Spirit lives in us,
and Eden has begun to be restored
in our own relationship with God.
His word is written on our hearts Jeremiah 31:33.
So here's the big one, men. [slow]
No family will get culture right
if the man leading the home is not born again,
if he doesn't have kingdom values
and isn't led by the Holy Spirit.
So the call to every man here
is to repent and believe the good news.
There is a better King.
There is a better way.
The Holy Spirit can come and live in you,
change your heart,
and mold you into the kind of man you need to be to lead.
When God restores us on the inside,
we begin to be remade into his image.
We begin to look like Christ to our wives,
and like the Father to our children,
little pictures of God on earth again.
2. The Kingdom Is Here, and the War Is On
So what does that ask of the man leading the home? [turn to Nehemiah 4]
Look at Nehemiah 4.
As the people rebuild the walls of Jerusalem,
it says:
Those who carried burdens were loaded in such a way
that each labored on the work with one hand
and held his weapon with the other.
And each of the builders had his sword strapped at his side while he built.
Nehemiah 4:17–18
One hand cultivates,
building something beautiful and safe and holy.
The other hand guards the city from evil.
So here are two words, men,
that summarize your calling: [slow]
you're a gardener,
and you're a watchman.
The gardener: heaven on earth now
As a gardener,
you get to bring heaven to earth now,
because the kingdom is here.
So we bring worship into our homes, God’s presence into our homes.
At the table, so much comes together:
provision, the ministry of the word,
protection, peace, laughter, and order.
Remember the river of God's presence
running through the heart of the city.
That's what we want to cultivate at home:
a culture with God at the center.
The kingdom of God is
"righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" Romans 14:17.
And Scripture shows us what that looks like at home.
Psalm 128 reads like the curse reversed.
Genesis 3 cursed our toil.
But Psalm 128 says,
"You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands;
you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you" Psalm 128:2.
Genesis 3 broke the marriage with blame and rivalry.
But the psalm says your wife will be like a fruitful vine,
and your children like olive shoots around your table Psalm 128:3.
And in the Song of Solomon the wife says of her husband,
"I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me" Song of Solomon 7:10.
He loves her the way Christ loves the church Ephesians 5:25.
Genesis 3 brought shame and hiding.
But at home, confession and forgiveness let us be fully known.
"There is no flaw in you" Song of Solomon 4:7.
Genesis 3 brought death.
But Psalm 128 ends,
"May you see your children's children!" Psalm 128:6
Malachi describes the fruit of the coming kingdom, where the hearts of fathers will turn to their children and the children to their fathers Malachi 4:6.
This is a picture of discipleship, of love and respect between fathers and children.
And Genesis 3 brought exile from God's presence.
But when we break bread in our homes with glad and generous hearts Acts 2:46,
especially with other believers,
we get a taste of communion with God again,
a picture of what's coming.
That's Eden restored at home.
It's a foretaste, not the finished garden.
But it's real.
The watchman: warfare until he comes
But there's also a war.
We hold a weapon in the other hand,
not because we war against our families,
but because there's sin in our own hearts and sin crouching at the door.
The world, the flesh, and the devil
are raging against our families.
The enemy wants your wife.
He wants your kids.
And we've been given the word of God,
"the sword of the Spirit" Ephesians 6:17,
to wage war against every lie
that wants to captivate our hearts and minds
and seep into the culture of our home, whether through entertainment, or the friends we have, or the time we spend. We are the watchman God has placed over our home.
At the center: making disciples
And the watchman doesn't only hold the wall.
He advances.
Before Jesus ascended,
he gave every disciple a commission Matthew 28:18–20.
It lines up closely with the creation mandate.
Genesis said, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.
Jesus says, "make disciples of all nations,"
"teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you,"
and "I am with you always, to the end of the age."
So there's a call, men,
not to assume your kids love the Lord,
but to disciple them.
Your first disciples are at your table. [pause]
Moses says to talk of God's words
"when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way,
and when you lie down, and when you rise."
The word of God should be at the center Deuteronomy 6:6–9.
And your home becomes a base for discipling others:
Through hospitality, through ministry to the poor in our neighborhoods, through Gospel proclamation where we work and play and live.
Our home is a place we can encourage and build up those on mission,
welcoming missionaries, supporting and sending them out from your home.
We make disciples in the home,
and we make disciples through the home.
The Lord is building his church,
and "the gates of hell shall not prevail against it" Matthew 16:18.
Here this: every single week, the church gathers and is equipped and commissioned to go home and into your work places to be on mission.
The home is the practical space from where God builds his church.
Holding both
So, men, you need both hands.
The gardener's daily practice
is to create blessing, beauty, and order,
to lead worship at the table,
and to delight in his wife and kids and train them up in the Lord.
It’s to lead them in making disciples and seeking God’s kingdom together.
The watchman's daily practice
is to be prayerful, watchful, and repentant.
If you try to be a gardener
without being a watchman, [slow]
you'll be crushed by sin,
or you'll idolize your family.
You'll be trying to make heaven on earth
when heaven isn't fully here yet.
But if you live only as a watchman,
you'll build a bunker.
You'll be defensive and joyless.
You won't be guarding the peace and joy of your home,
because there won't be any there to guard.
So live in both realities:
trowel in one hand,
sword in the other.
3. When We Fail: Course Correction
But what happens when we fail at it? [pause]
Because we will.
The posture: the Beatitudes
Jesus came saying,
"The kingdom of heaven is at hand" Matthew 4:17.
Then on the mountain he showed us what kingdom people look like.
Look at how the Beatitudes begin and end. [turn to Matthew 5]
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:3
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:10
The first and the last are present tense:
theirs is the kingdom.
Everything in between is future:
those who mourn will be comforted,
the meek will inherit the earth,
the pure in heart will see God.
The kingdom is already here,
and not yet here.
And look at the first two.
Poor in spirit.
Those who mourn.
That's the posture of a man who can be corrected.
We lead as men who need grace.
We don't have it all together.
We still blow it.
I'm not the savior or the hero of my home.
Jesus is.
The last one shows the reality and cost of seeking the kingdom until he comes again.
That's why course correction is good for us.
Where we fail: two texts
So where do we tend to fail?
The danger for men who God created with strength to build and guard
is that sometimes in our sin we wound the people inside.
Two texts correct exactly that. [turn to 1 Peter 3]
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,
since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:7
This is a call to handle her
like the most precious vessel in the house.
We need correction here often,
because we don't always treat our wives
as co-heirs of the grace of life.
We need to love, cherish, and nourish her
as we would our own bodies Ephesians 5:28–29.
And the stakes are high:
"so that your prayers may not be hindered."
The man who dishonors his wife
cuts his own supply line in the warfare. [pause]
He isn't bringing heaven to earth.
He's making her life bitter.
Now Ephesians 6. [turn to Ephesians 6]
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4
What provokes them?
Harshness.
Inconsistency.
Mocking them.
Absence.
These exasperate our children.
They don't build them up.
The root: leading from sonship
So here's the question: [slow]
is your family culture one in which your family is flourishing? Where righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit reigns.
Is that what your seven day week is producing?
If not, look first at your own heart.
Maybe you keep dominating.
Maybe you're passive.
Maybe you're failing to provide or protect,
because you need more time with your Father.
You need more healing.
You need your identity more grounded
in what God has done through Christ.
You need to feel secure in your identity as a son
in order to receive critique from your wife.
If you're not secure in the Lord,
you'll get defensive and throw up walls
every time she offers feedback.
I felt like a failure for years [personal]
because I didn't lean into my identity as a son
and press into what she was offering.
How my correction came
And remember my story. [personal]
Here's how the correction came.
My elder team came to me and said,
"Brother, a culture has formed
where you overdo it at the cost of your family's flourishing.
You work hard, and you may have a bigger capacity than your family,
but it's dragging them through the mud.
Your wife and children feel exasperated and overwhelmed by the load." [pause]
As an elder team, we welcomed that.
But you can't always wait for an annual retreat
to find out your family is struggling.
Without regular rhythms,
you can go a whole year burning out as a family,
with no one able to diagnose the problem.
So from a secure place in the Lord,
we build rhythms
that keep us from creating a lasting, damaging culture.
Rhythms of feedback
First, daily: before the Father in prayer.
Welcome critique every day through prayer.
As you present your life before the Father,
let the Holy Spirit show you where you're out of step:
where you're living not like a son, but like a slave,
not like a father, but like a harsh slave master.
Second, daily: an open door for your wife.
The person who most needs to speak into your life is your wife.
Make space for her every day.
Be approachable, even by text.
Be open to feedback about the culture of discipline,
homeschooling,
the school or sports schedule.
Third, weekly: the family meeting.
Set aside a weekly space,
separate from date night.
Date night is where you aim for fun,
the Sabbath of your marriage.
The family meeting is where you course correct.
Here's how it can run.
Ask for critique.
How did this last week go?
Is our culture allowing you to thrive?
Did we overbook our schedule?
Did parenting go well?
Does our ministry fit our family vision?
Then lead with honest feedback about yourself.
"I've been with the Lord.
I felt conviction that I overdid it here.
We should have been slower to say yes here
and quicker to say no there.
This week we're going to take a step forward."
Walk through your calendar:
where the parenting and ministry stresses are,
and where she needs help.
Look at your budget.
Is our spending kingdom-oriented?
Are we living within our limits?
And look at your parenting.
Where is our discipline out of step with God's design?
Where are we provoking our kids
instead of raising them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord?
Fourth, quarterly and yearly: recast the vision.
Go back to the drawing board.
Make sure the big rocks are in place
before everything else gets filled in.
Gather feedback,
and course correct in how you parent and train,
how you use your money,
what ministry you're invested in,
and how you spend your time.
The fruit of feedback
If you keep these rhythms,
there will be a lot of grace.
You'll keep short accounts
and course correct along the way.
Real teamwork will grow.
And submission becomes easier for your wife,
because she'll want to follow your lead
when she feels heard.
You do not want a marriage
where you simply call the shots
and there's never a place for feedback.
That's not relational,
and it's not healthy.
A word to wives
These rhythms take two.
So, wives, a brief word on giving feedback well. [warmly]
A critical, impatient spirit can make it very hard for a man to lead:
questioning everything he suggests
and quickly dismissing it as a bad idea.
And undermining him in the middle of discipline,
challenging him, pulling him back, calling out his name,
makes it very hard for him to set the culture.
Unless he's moving toward serious sin or danger,
be patient.
Pray.
Submit your fear to God.
Then go to him in a time of peace,
and work on it together, little by little.
And if you haven't first talked to the Lord
about what disturbs you about your husband,
wait before you bring it to your husband.
Come with a listening ear,
a respectful tone,
and an eagerness to follow.
When both husband and wife do their part,
something beautiful happens.
Closing
So come back to the question. [slow]
If someone walked into your home this week,
would they taste heaven?
Would they see that the kingdom is coming?
And would they see that you're at war together,
against the right enemy?
I want to challenge you this morning, men.
If there are ways you have not led like the Father,
ways you have not loved like Christ loves the church,
repent,
and receive his forgiveness.
Remember that you are a son.
He has filled you with his Spirit
and given you everything you need
to turn around and course correct.
We need a healthy heart to lead a healthy household.
Questions for this week
As a gardener: [slow]
what one practice will bring a taste of heaven to your table this week? What kingdom work are you leading your family in?
As a watchman:
where is the serpent already inside,
in your heart, your home, your family?
And for course correction:
who in your home do you need to honor,
or ask forgiveness of, this week?
Prayer
[pray]
Father, thank you that you are the God of peace,
and that you will soon crush Satan under our feet Romans 16:20.
Until you come again and finish all this work,
strengthen these men to lead their families.
Help them lead the way Christ loves us and cherishes us.
Make us like our Father in heaven,
who cultivates beautiful space.
Let our homes be full of worship and praise,
delight and joy.
And Lord, keep us on mission until you come again.
In Jesus' name we pray.
Amen.